Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Having my cake, and eating too much

Birthdays are a wonderful idea.  Everyone should have one.  (The Pleezer in me wants that to be true--no more aborted babies!)

I remember the day I was born.  Well, not actually, but the stories are told so often that I feel like I was there.  You would think that it was a royal birth.  (Hmmmm?)  I have felt like June 5 deserved a national holiday.  Because I was such a beautiful baby?  Because my grandmother pronounced me her favorite immediately?  Because there was always a cake for me on that day?

Probably not.  It is because I was born thinking the world revolved around me.  Thank goodness my parents did not think the same thing.  My delusion was private.  Delusions are best that way.

For many years I hated my birthday celebrations.  I think I was uncomfortable that my delusion might be true.  Or maybe uncomfortable that it wasn't.  I wanted the spotlight, but could not stand the brightness of it.   Many years I muddled through the day.  Still I was given the royal treatment, but I was more a royal pain in the ass-embly. 

But if I cannot accept the celebration of a birthday, and all the attention that comes with it, then I cannot fully live.  To live is to receive with gratitude--relationships, wealth, pain, sorrow, reality, even life itself.   Holding back from a complete embrace of life means that my delusion is alive and well:  It is all about ME.

Which brings me back to cake.  I had two pieces yesterday.  By all accounts--my tummy, my appetite for good things (tanked), my scales--it was too much. 

It isn't about the cake.  It is about the Baker.  And he throws a magnificent party.

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Grandmother and Granddaughter